J.K. Rowling Pulls a Muggle’s Move with Punitive Lawsuit

Okay, we’re not what you’d call fans of the Harry Potter books here at Easy Witchcraft. Never mind that the series, which has enjoyed unprecedented marketing and therefore sales, is little more than rehashed old fantasy standbys peppered with embarrassingly awkward proper nouns. We’ll also set aside the disturbingly elitist premise of inherited “magical-ness.’

At Easy Witchcraft, we firmly believe everyone is born with the capacity for magic.

Nevertheless, the popularity of the books are hard to deny, despite the well-worn plots and primitive delineation of good and evil. These features have always sold better than original writing expressing subtle worldviews.

But with all the hype and multi-billion dollar success of her lowest-common-denominator pulp fantasy, J.K. Rowling can’t stand the thought of a single penny slipping from her fingers. This time, she’s pointing her crone’s wand at her own fandom.

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Your mother is the King’s Champion; your father is second in command of the realm’s spies.

Your godfathers are the King and one of his advisers.

Your godmothers are the Queen and her governess.

Your adoptive uncle is the realm’s most powerful mage who is married to your adoptive aunt who is also a mage as well as half goddess.

You were raised amongst wonderful and powerful people and expected to be great. So, what do you do when you are kidnapped by pirates and sold into slavery?

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